Think, think, Think!
By Min-Soo Kang
We all face those proverbial fork-in-the-road moments in our lives: choosing a major in school, a new career venture, a budding relationship, or what we will eat for lunch. Sometimes, the choices that we make are trivial and end in win-win situations; whereas others leave us with life-altering consequences.
Whether a major or minor decision, saying yes to one option is saying no to another.
Every time we are faced with the temptation to engage with our vice, we approach a fork-in-the-road: will we walk the familiar path of addiction or take an alternative route?
As mentioned in the previous article, whenever we are triggered, we feel a certain level of discomfort or pain. This pain is brought on by unmet needs. A significant step in walking towards freedom is to identify what specific needs are not being met in our lives, and to discover how to meet those legitimate needs in healthy, God-honouring ways. Even though difficult and painful at times, knowing why we turn to our vices is a way to bring about lasting freedom.
When triggered or tempted then, we are presented with the choice of whether to explore our deeper levels of pain, or to manage our discomfort by looking to whatever will make us “feel better”.
If we’re honest, it is much easier to do the latter!
It is more appealing to reject our discomfort and pain than to feel them more deeply. The path of freedom takes work, while the path of addiction is…undemanding.
If we choose to shift our attention away from the path of freedom, we enter the first stage of the addictive cycle, known as preoccupation. This is where we look to the path of addiction and consider walking on it.
Believe it or not, there are stages and choices in the movement from temptation to acting out. We can often assume that we don’t have a choice when we’re tempted. Or, because it can take a short amount of time to act out when tempted, that must mean it’s only a two-step process.
In reality, there are specific stages and choices before we give into temptation. Even though we may go through them quickly, there are stages and choices nonetheless.
As its name suggests, preoccupation is the stage in which we become engrossed with thoughts of our vice. We may start to dwell on how to get access to our vice, what it would feel like to engage with our vice, when we can be alone with our vice, or even what our last hit felt like. Essentially, we are dwelling on and starting to consider acting out.
The specific thoughts we choose to occupy our minds with will differ from person to person, but at a foundational level, we are being distracted with the prospect of “feeling better”. We desire to avoid our discomfort and pain.
Till this very day, whenever I encounter a painful or stressful situation, my immediate thought goes towards fast-food. I know it has no nutrition value and that it will leave me with regrets. But, boy, does it ever make me feel good, even for a moment! I know I’m in preoccupation when I’m thinking through various meal options, reliving past combos, deciding what my body is craving and planning out my driving route.
Your choice vice may not be fast-food: it could be a certain person or relationship, a pornographic image or event, a new tech or clothing item, a sweet or savoury treat, a stiff drink, or a television program. What is it for you?
As you consider your particular vice, what about it do you fixate on when in a state of preoccupation? Is it the way it makes you feel? Is it the “solution” it gives you? Is it figuring out how to get your next fix? Or do you just think about it? It is helpful to identify what your specific thoughts are in preoccupation.
As unlikely as it may seem, when in the stage of preoccupation, you have the choice to disengage from the addictive cycle. You don’t have to go all the way with your temptations! You don’t have to give into your vice.
One practical way to help in the disengagement process is to include an accountability partner or trusted friend right in your moment of temptation. By voicing out your discomfort, pain and fixations, you are able to bring your thoughts into the light and not remain in isolation. There is something about revealing your temptations to another that causes them to be disarmed and disempowered.
The question is, will you choose to take this brave step?
There is a scene in the 1999 film The Matrix that beautifully captures the tension we find ourselves in when tempted to engage with our vice:
In the movie, we follow the journey of Neo (Keanu Reeves), who is plagued by the question “what is the Matrix?” In one particular scene, he is invited to learn more about it from insiders; he is brought down a road that he is not familiar with. When he hesitates to comply with certain ways of moving forward, he is given the option to either trust these individuals and continue down the road he is on, or leave. As he is about to leave, he has a brief exchange with Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss):
Trinity: “Please Neo, you have to trust me”
Neo: “Why?”
Trinity: “Because you have been down there, Neo. You know that road. You know exactly where it ends. And, I know that’s not where you want to be”
Will we trust, even in uncomfortable and painful moments, that God desires to bring us freedom from our vices, to give us true healing and joy? Or, will be continue to walk the familiar road of addiction? The choice is ours.
If we choose the second option, we will be moved into the next stage of the addiction cycle: rationalization. This will be the topic of the next article.